you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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