dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
