Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
