Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
