Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
