my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
