hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
