i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
