I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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