if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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