i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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