literally had 100 drinks last night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
