sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love having hate sex.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
