I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
