you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
