I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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