he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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