U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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