I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
