if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
