the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
