My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
