Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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