I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
