After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
