we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
