At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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