Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
