Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
