Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
