Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
