So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize