we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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