She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
