We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
