you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
