ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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