So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
