I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize