I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
