I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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