Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize