i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
