woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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