It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
