dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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