if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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