It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
