I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize