..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
