well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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