Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
