Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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