proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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