I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize