I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
