had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
