Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
