This is not my ceiling
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We are two peas in an std pod
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
