My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
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