ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
