dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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