I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
