she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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