So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Floor bacon is actually really good
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
