I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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