is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
third nipple confirmed
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
