Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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