You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
