Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
