i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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