Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
