yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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