Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
