My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
