They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm having to shit out rocks
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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