Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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