Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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