There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I want her autograph on my taint
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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