Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
