Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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