I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize