I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
