Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
