You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
