This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
