dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize