It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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