You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
