if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
