I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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