I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
