youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
