What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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