its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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