i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
