Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize