Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
