Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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