I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
